noah mentioned my (insert verb i cant remember accurately here) innocent kristy entry. i dont know what he meant, but sam also seemed concerned by something i wrote recently. i like the idea that my entries can evoke such reaction. so ill continue to write the heartfelt ones. today i am jealous. i am jealous of lots of things. some things are obvious. people with rad jobs, fun electronic toys or my friend who just came back from a trip to turkey. betzmoster went to turkey with her crazy rich uncle. well i dont know if hes crazy but he spent 16 grand on rugs. she went on a balloon ride(remember the beginning of star wars? when R2D2 is lost on tatooine? and the jawas with the yellow eyes capture him? That part was filmed where she took the balloon ride and the balloon guy said it was the best place on earth to balloon), stayed in a cave hotel over volcanic rock formations , bought a $650 carpet, spent 3 days on a boat in the mediteranian seeing ruins and got a tan.
i also get jealous pangs…. or maybe they are twinges of longing when I talk to people about the past. Its a funny thing the past. I’ve been stuck in it a lot lately. I’ve been thinking of all sorts of past type things. Its the damn occurance of my five year high school reunion in a few months. Not a monumental mark of time, five years, but its a reminder of the way in which time will pass no matter what you do with it. Sure I’ve spent four of these years in college doing a shitload of stuff, traveling, learning, changing, and one year working my ass off trying to figure out a future, but people have done some amazing shit with their time. I’ve just heard about people from my high school living in Ireland, earning a masters in England, serving for the peace corps in Mozambique, skiing in Australia and working for a lingerie outfitter in Manhatten.
Today curiosity is instigating jealousy… and I am seeking out people over AIM. I am a huge geek. I have talked to the smart friend from AP courses who has filled me in on the over achieving types he still keeps in touch with. I have talked to the girl I had choir with who hardly ever came to school and bleached her gorgeous brunette hair. I IMEd the athletic girl who once gave me a bottle of perfume that I still remember the way she uttered the name of as if it were one word, “Sunsetcafecherrybombbay”. I spoke with the skinny akward quiet boy who my best friend played hockey with and whose shore house was used frequently for after event parties that I never made it to for one reason or another. I talked to the boy who drove a fast car, wrote me a song and showed me shooting stars, but with whom I never had any sort of romantic relationship, yet valued his tenderness and perhaps took advantage of his affections for the way they absorbed my jealousy and fear of inferiority. I even talked on the phone with the most normal boy I ever dated, captain of the track team, catholic, blond hair and blue eyed at sixteen my mothers dream for me and now a novel memory.
Last night Michael and I saw Garden State (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0333766/) which was awesome and the theme of my entry resonates with the struggle to understand the past in the context of your present lived for your future. Or something like that. I think you should see this movie. Zach Braff (first time writer, first time director and star, also that dude from the show Scrubs) was at the screening for a Q&A and he was wonderful. Smart, quick witted, really funny and totally honest. He had to actually RUN to the theater because his car couldnt make it through Red Sox traffic and if that alone didn’t endear him to the audience his talent and insight did. As for the people on IMDB who commented that they didn’t like the ending, thats fine as a personal opinion, but you should know that Mr. Braff said himself hes a “sucker for a happy ending and true love doesn’t work out enough in the real world” so he likes to see it in the movies. It was beautifully shot. The cinematography was so engaging, the dialogue so realistic and the story… well… just go see it. And watch the trailer without dialogue. So good!
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